When I wonder if being nice would actually make him feel nice. Day One of a potential break-up.
I have decided to post every day if possible, during this traumatic time, when I don’t know if my husband is moving out or not.
He rang yesterday, which I didn’t expect, but it was only to ask about a Jubilee Clip for the washing machine hose. He was pleasant enough. He rang Little Man when he got home from school, as he does most days. He text me to say he was on his way home and when he got in, he wasn’t too bad. No major problems and he wasn’t really nasty as he had been all weekend, well all month really.
Nothing was mentioned about him moving out, but this morning I got to thinking, that I can’t just carry on as if he never said those things at the weekend. If he has decided he wants to go, then he should go. It isn’t fair to a) carry on as if nothing has happened and b) he should go and stay at his Mums, if things are that bad here for him. Why should I spent the next, God knows how long, just waiting for him to turn round and say “right I’m off”. I don’t think he should use money as an excuse, other people don’t, they just get on with it and go and sort finances out later.
I have also been thinking a lot about how he has been getting on at me, picking on me for the slightest thing I have or haven’t done, and it has made me wonder if this has become a habit, even though, it was his behaviour getting worse than ever, that made me think, things were different this time. Has being picky and nasty become a habit? Does he get a kick out of it? The more I think about it, the more I think that acting this way can’t make him happy at all. I Imagine him coming home from work, walking in with a smile, kissing me on the cheek as I get on with his dinner, greeting his son with a big smile and a hug and wonder how much better he would feel than on a normal night when he walks in and says “Who’s bloody shoes are they I just nearly tripped over in the hall”, “who’s bag is that on the floor” “why are the lights on upstairs?”. Its hard to explain but can you see where I am coming from? Just to relax a bit instead of walking in looking for something or someone to pick on. The way he acts like he dreads coming home, rubs off on us as we dread it aswell and everybody’s back’s are up, instantly, which causes tension from the outset. I don’t know if anything would ever make him a happy person, except being in the pub with his mates, but nobody can do that 24/7.
I am going into town today to meet up with my friend V and have a coffee. I won’t be discussing any of this with her, I don’t think it is worth it until things are clear and I know what is happening. He always accusses me of not doing anything, so I may as well not, just enjoy the days I have off work, having a laugh with friends, just like he does!
And to think they call Simon Cowell, Mr Nasty!