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From Bad to Worse

March 31, 2008

I am going to change the name of “The Pig” who will now become “Him” or “He”, reasons for which you will find out later.

Well the weekend went O.K. “He” didn’t surface till Lunchtime yesterday which was a shame as I was thinking about suggesting we go out somewhere for lunch, being as there was just the three of us. My friend T popped round for a visit which is usual on Sunday. “He” fixed the toilet handle, tightened the taps on the bath and repaired the bathroom light. Not bad for someone who refuses to do any DIY! So I was suitably impressed by his efforts and we didn’t have any tantrums or shouting (which is what usually happens when he takes on a task). MIL and Gran also turned up (unexpectedly) for a cuppa in the afternoon. “He” prepared dinner, we caught up on our usual T.V. recordings and stuff he has missed during the week. So just a normal weekend really, no rows, so all was good.

Child 1 came back on her own, got ready and went straight out again. Apparently Child 2 had gone to the Cinema and Child 3 was still at her boyfriends. I bathed the boy and all was well. We watched Gavin & Stacey (brilliant). It was so funny at the end, you know the bit with Smithy & Nessa and the Corn on the Cob. Well if you saw it, you will know, they opted to leave the Corn on the Cob and headed off for a quick “hows your father”. “He” then said “Um, I think I will have some of that” Now don’t get excited, he was referring to the food and headed off to the Kitchen to cook some Corn on the Cob for himself and I headed off to bed as usual – alone.

I was really tired and soon fell asleep but was awoken some time later when “He” switched the bloody light on! Well obviously you don’t do that when someone is asleep, so I asked what the hell he was playing at. He responded with “Oh well I’m just a “Pig” aren’t I?”. Oh dear something made me think he may have found my blog, but I still needed confirmation.

We got up this morning and he was in a foul mood. I asked what was wrong but nothing was forthcoming.

Just as me and the boy were about to leave for school, my little poppet was sick as he was sitting on the stairs putting his shoes on. Ah, bless him. So he is at home today (although seems fine now). Obviously I thought I should ring his Dad and tell him. He certainly sounded offish, I asked what was wrong and he said “Why don’t you just go and write about me on your blog” and hung up. Oh dear, just as I thought we were getting somewhere….

Firstly I must state I am not bothered that he has come across it, as maybe knowing how I feel about things might actually make him do something about the sorry state of affairs of the last few weeks. He might even begin to understand how I feel neglected and that if I feel that way, his son must also, but at 7 years of age, would never say so. I made a real effort to be nice this weekend as after all, he had promised to sort out the drinking this week. His behaviour has a knock on effect, if he is nasty to me, then I am nasty back – tit-for-tat, as simple as that. I do feel as though there has been an invasion of privacy though and that feels quite strange. I almost feel like a teenager whose Mum has read her inner most thoughts and feelings in her diary and I am finding it hard to understand why someone would want to do that, surely some things are scared? I don’t even read his emails and am not 100% sure of his password, he was obviously determined to find it and that makes me wonder if it is just so as he can use it as an excuse, to continue with his recent behaviour or blame the breakdown of a marriage on a blog – sorry love, don’t buy it.

This blog was initially meant to reflect life as a Mum of four and the trials and tribulations associated with that, but I couldn’t help but include “Him” in my writing as the stuff going on at home was forming such a large part of my life at that time and is obviously continuing to do so, now he is upset by what I have written.

Personally I can’t see that it matters, nobody reading this knows me or him, it is just an online journal for people in the blogsphere. I read lots of blogs and although I may know someone lives or works in London, Glasgow or France, it doesn’t matter as I don’t know these people. So if you are reading his, take a step back, realise that you are being silly, it really doesn’t matter and if having a blog helps me get through the traumas of life by writing about them, so what? I would much rather do this than go and sit and sob about the state of my life in the doctors surgery and walk out with a prescription for god knows what, or drink myself into a stupor – nothing makes the problems go away unless you face them and its about time you did that too…..

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