Is it any wonder I’ve got IBS?

I had a terrible row on Wednesday evening with Child 1, who refused at 7.15pm to run me up the co-op, in the Car that we bought her, because I had forgotten to do my Lottery. It went something like this:-

Me: Can you run me up the co-op, I need to do the Lottery?

Her: No

Me: Why not?

Her: I am still getting ready to go out and S will be here in a minute

Me: S, can wait in your room

Her: No, don’t be lazy, walk up there and you went to Tesco this morning why didn’t you do it then?

Me: Because I forgot – obviously! You make me die, you help yourself to my clothes, shoes and bags without asking, I even let you use my Marc Jacobs Stam bag for months when it was only supposed to be for one night! All one way traffic with you isn’t it? Oh and by the way, are you still borrowing my Pierre Hardy for Gap sandals tonight?

Her: Well obviously not.

Oh dear. The thing was, I wasn’t feeling too well otherwise I would have walked – honest! I have been suffering terrible stomach cramps and other symptoms which lead me to believe I may have IBS and am going to the Doctors later today for a diagnosis. I also believe Child 1 has IBS (Insolent Behaviour Syndrome).

It is now Friday morning and I still am not speaking to her. It makes things rather messy as it is her birthday on Monday and she was picking things out of the Tiffany catalogue the other day but with my Stomach Condition a trip to London for a jewellery purchase seems out of the question. I am also not talking to “Him”. “He” has buggered off on a Corporate Jolly to the Races (not that he is part of any Corporation at present), today and tomorrow, the Oaks and the Derby, me thinks. Last night whilst creased up on the sofa in pain, we had a conversation which went like this:-

Me: Oh, I wish I wasn’t feeling poorly with you going away for 2 days and the Girls at their Dads this weekend. What if something happens to me when I am alone with our Prince?

I do tend to get a bit panicky when faced with illness of any description.

Him: That’s probably why you are doing it?

Me: What?

Him: So that I don’t go.

Me: Don’t be so bloody ridiculous, I can’t wait to get rid of you for a couple of days.

I couldn’t believe he said such a thing!

This morning as I woke up at 6.30am:-

Him: I have made the kids pack up, so I let you have an extra half hour.

Me: Thanks

As he was walking out the front door at 6.40am:-

Him: See you later

Me: Oh hope you get on alright today at the doctors, hope you feel OK today!

Him: I don’t feel too great myself

Me: (as door was closing) F K Off

Can you believe his lack of concern? The fact that I didn’t even get a peck on the cheek goodbye? I have read Dulwich Divorcee’s column in The Times, all about her wishing her husband were dead and I have to say, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea at the moment!